The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
- The Russian government said Edward Snowden can stay for three more years. Or as Obama put it, "Eh, that was gonna be his prison sentence, anyway."
- TMZ has released the transcript from Kanye West's deposition for an assault charge he's facing, and apparently he referred to himself as "the smartest celebrity." And that was after the lawyer said, "Please state your name."
- It seems like every day Kanye says something weird, and every day I end up talking about it and — you know what? He IS the smartest celebrity! We keep talking about him!
- Pope Francis is calling on young people to get off the Internet and start doing something productive with their lives. Teens were like, "Uh, how do you think we saw you say that? We watched it on YouTube, dude!"
Conan O-Brien
- A bear was attacking a Russian man, and he was able to repel the attack by playing his Justin Bieber ringtone. The man is OK, and no, the bear is NOT a Belieber.
- You know that button on your cable remote that gives you information about what you're watching? I was watching "Crossfire," hit the button, and it said, "Congratulations, you're our first viewer tonight!"
- I hit the info button on "America's Got Talent" and it said, "America's got talent, but we hide it and present this instead."
- Welcome to those who are visiting LA. We're going to have a good time in beautiful Los Angeles, which has just been named the 16th coolest city in America by Forbes magazine. We finally tied San Jose.
- You know what city Forbes says is the coolest? The No. 1 coolest city in America is Washington, D.C. How did that happen? Did Obama start smoking again?
- Forbes bases its rankings on factors like how many entertainment options a city has. Makes sense. In Washington, between Joe Biden and John Boehner alone, it's like a nonstop Burning Man festival.
- I like that Forbes magazine is deciding which city is the coolest. That's like Good Housekeeping naming the snowboarder of the year.
No comments:
Post a Comment