Clickege: Late Night Jokes: Revenge of the Nerds

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Hollywood is having its worst summer at the box office in eight years. It's very frustrating. Studios said, "We don't get it. We put out the exact same movies we put out last year and the year before."
The New York Times reports Montana Sen. John Walsh plagiarized at least 25 percent of his master's degree thesis. Walsh denied it and said, "I am not a crook, and ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Mission accomplished."
This week is the start of Comic-Con, the country's largest comic book and movie convention. It's that special time of the year when you see an adult man dressed as Batman holding hands with a kid and you DON'T call the cops.
There are reports that the popularity of kale is causing a worldwide shortage of the vegetable. In a related story, GOOD. It tastes like curtains.

Conan

Snoop Lion, formerly Snoop Dogg, claimed he once smoked pot in the White House. Then his friends told him that wasn't the White House, that was a White Castle with an American flag.
Apple announced it would use robots to help build the new iPhone 6. Well, I say big deal because we've been using robots to make this show since the beginning. Half my office staff consists of robots.
We have hundreds of robots who are always on Facebook, who make passive-aggressive comments when you leave early, who are on loud personal calls all day, or who steal your clearly labeled yogurt from the fridge.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

There’s a different kind of excitement in San Diego right now, where Comic-Con is in full swing. The weather is perfect, and for four days, it plays host to 150,000 people who never set foot outside.
The hordes have descended like locusts with peanut allergies. Nerdchella has begun.
The trailer for the "50 Shades of Grey" movie is out now on the Internet. And if your mom doesn't pick up when you call her, that's why. Although I think it was a strange choice to have Eddie Murphy play all the parts.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Despite the recent unrest in the Middle East, President Obama's approval rating has stayed constant at 42 percent. Wow, he can't even get THAT to change.
An artist in Japan is launching a bonsai tree into space. Now if only he could think of something to yell during the launch…
On last night’s season finale, one of the "Real Housewives of New York" took off her prosthetic leg and threw it at one of her co-stars. Then one of the other Housewives said, "Told you they weren't real."

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